Struggle
This is a struggle. Because my eyes are drooping, my bones feel like they would collapse any moment. I am tired, but I don't know why. Kind of sets the mood for a saturday which I guess will turn out to be a very fruitful one. Here I am, 1250, happily typing away as I look back at the past week.
I remember `rain messaging me sometime this week. Set me to think that its time i talk to her again. I remember admitting to myself that the past 2 weeks of EMCOM with her was really hard to get by. Really? It wasn't an avoidance, just that it dawn on me that saying morning and goodnight everyday is kinda childish. Even foolish. I don't know how she sees it every morning and night. With a smile, with a look of expectation, with nonchalence or a plain blunt look. Maybe I am not sweet or nice here. But all I am hinting here is the uncertainty and yes indeed i am one who is rather afraid of uncertainties between people. Throw me in any vegetation and I will chose the unexplored path, the more dangerous one. But throw me in this situation and I am a young boy who would tug my shirt tightly stand in a corner and not know what to do. I guess I haven't grown up. But hhaha. Well. Thats me. I was quiet for a couple of weeks because I don't have much to say. Simple as that. Minus the good morning and good night, it leaves me with nothing much. Honestly. Aside from ben and wong, I seldom talk to people these days. That day, I thought I owe her an apology and so I said sorry but didn't say why. I couldn't explain. But since she said she's bored, I decided to go online and talk to her. Takeaway:Thats when I wrote my previous blog entry. But even when I went online to talk with her, I found myself stuck. Stuck with nothing more than haha ya ok oh eh. And so I decided I was wasting everybodies' time and went back to bunk. It was almost sudden: I questioned myself why I am feeling all so low. I wasn't sad but I wasn't happy either. I had no reasons not to be happy. And then it came down to this. A resolution that connects with nonchalence and hard hearted don't care attitude. A resolution that I told reuben: Without care for anything, I just want to be happy. Without promises that I never keep, I just want to spread my happiness to her. This ain't a promise because I am never able to keep my promises for her. This is something I wish to achieve. For myelf, for her. And now I look at that little something for her that has been sitting in my room for weeks. Little somethign that took me long to make and even longer for me to send. I guess I broke the surprise here. But who cares.
~Change Mood Change~
We all sat quietly in the lecture room. Pen and paper. OCs map the centre of all our attention. Its the prelude to crunch time: Mission planning. Advance vs Falcon; advance vs Glory, delay. The first one being the one I am most enthusiastic with. For obvious reasons, I will not reveal the plans for the missions here. But all in all, I have never been more excited. On top of that, OC is really quite zai. And I firmly believe that he -like me- is the type who will come up with super unexpected, fuck the doctrine and totally out of the box tactics. COOL. He is really and example to model after. I just can't wait for D-Day. But most importantly, I am having more and more faith in the man already though a recent survey revealed that the man don't really trust our capabilities. Damn. For good reasons. I can really really understand why Ah Goh is so excited. He is the point. Thats where all the action is. And what am I. 32A vc. Reserve platoon reserve section. Aiyo.Must have been stupid of me to have chosen the appointment myself. You know 2A spells much similar to SAIKANG. This reminds me of one of the army advertisment. Ever seen the "leader.soldier.borther." poster? I think they spelt the words wrongly. Its spelt "Slave.Banglah.Enemy" Oh my. But still army is how fun. Oh. I came back yesterday and saw the name "Boon Cheng" in my tagboard. In classic japanese anime, my face would have seen a flash of blue in combination with thunder and lightning. My PC has been reading my blog!!!!But its nice, to know that this will bring us beyong colleagues. HAHA. Imagine him reading me write about him. About how he holland. I would love to see the expression on his face. And so Mr wong said this : "oh fuck" . But its ok, because no matter what I remember the words of 2wo Maran, my sispec PC. I remember him say this in the training shed while saying goodbye to us
"When you go to unit, you will find that your officers might not be as capable as you expect. Some might not even be as capable as you are. Some cannot lead man, some cannot navigate and some don't know how to fight. But remember, they are just like you. They were also once trainees like you. They were also once recruits. Most of them also just commission. The only difference is that they have gone through more and tougher training than you. Who doesn't make mistakes. And when they make mistakes you don't laugh. No you don't laugh and you don't condemn. It doesn't help anyone. You help. Because as specialist you are your officers assistant, it is your job to help them anyway."
Great words I will never forget.
~Change Mood Change~
Went out with memebrs of s26 in an evening of heehee and hahas. Rushed down in cab because I am COS and only get to book out at 730pm. So i managed to sneak into kublai Khan and in theory get to eat for free. ON my way there, I made a mental note not to commit the mistake of always talking about army with the guys. You see, there's nothing wrong with talking about army. Afterall, like wong said, its about sharing your lives with everyone. Just like how the girls will fill you in with the fun of Uni life. The mistake lies in just talking with the guys. But come on, let me diverge from this rather serious tone. It went perfectly well and seeing that Xing Ying and Mel and Ivy are there as well, I took the extra effort to connect with them. Afterall, I was never close with them back in JC and so it was an opportunity for me to forge bonds. The thing is, its amazing. When you look back, you realise that among a class of 20 over people, majority of them only end up as CLASSmates at the end of your JC life. I look at how I became close friends with only a few of them. I missed out on many of them. That I realise on prom night 2003. I remember walking the extra mile to get closer with people like ying hwee yihui mel xingying. Yet its never easy to get involved with each other's lives thats why there are always many levels of friendship. In fact, if anyone notice, the first person I seriously talk to yesterday was? Mel. Towards christmas 2003, I think I talked with her for among one of the first time. What a pity right. And I remember that she was really quite a nice person. The same goes for everyone else. Interesting why I didn't really talk about juan and ween until now? Its kinda simple. Meeting them last them and talking with them wasn't exciting. It was warm. Because I know them well all along. Because we were already kinda close back in JC and the bond carried through all the way till now. To say that they haven't change isn't accurate. I would say that I kept in tune with them, with their changes all the way from the last time I saw them till last night. Talking and giggling at their pace had the feeling of bridging time. As if JC was the day before and time in between has shrunk to a singularity. It was heartwarming to spend time with the two cheeky juan and ween.Heartwarming. Then there is zhicheng and Mok who are really quite similar in the sense that they always sit quiet, listening to our crap. Gotta poke them to really know how they are getting along. And there is weng soon who is the only guy among us who is still a civilian. haha. Really brought us much insight into what university is like for a guy. Never fails to make me excited about University. But haiz. I don't wanna ORD so soon cos I know I will miss all this days. Can I two-time Uni and NS. Haha.
What a long Blog. I am gonna spend the whole saturday at home. Rest for an hour or so. Some time set aside to watch Ghost in the Shell which I just bought. Some time to study for my advance theory:Oh no. And then it seems like good weather to go for some interval training, with cocktails to greet my return. Haha. Life is great.~Miss you gal.
I remember `rain messaging me sometime this week. Set me to think that its time i talk to her again. I remember admitting to myself that the past 2 weeks of EMCOM with her was really hard to get by. Really? It wasn't an avoidance, just that it dawn on me that saying morning and goodnight everyday is kinda childish. Even foolish. I don't know how she sees it every morning and night. With a smile, with a look of expectation, with nonchalence or a plain blunt look. Maybe I am not sweet or nice here. But all I am hinting here is the uncertainty and yes indeed i am one who is rather afraid of uncertainties between people. Throw me in any vegetation and I will chose the unexplored path, the more dangerous one. But throw me in this situation and I am a young boy who would tug my shirt tightly stand in a corner and not know what to do. I guess I haven't grown up. But hhaha. Well. Thats me. I was quiet for a couple of weeks because I don't have much to say. Simple as that. Minus the good morning and good night, it leaves me with nothing much. Honestly. Aside from ben and wong, I seldom talk to people these days. That day, I thought I owe her an apology and so I said sorry but didn't say why. I couldn't explain. But since she said she's bored, I decided to go online and talk to her. Takeaway:Thats when I wrote my previous blog entry. But even when I went online to talk with her, I found myself stuck. Stuck with nothing more than haha ya ok oh eh. And so I decided I was wasting everybodies' time and went back to bunk. It was almost sudden: I questioned myself why I am feeling all so low. I wasn't sad but I wasn't happy either. I had no reasons not to be happy. And then it came down to this. A resolution that connects with nonchalence and hard hearted don't care attitude. A resolution that I told reuben: Without care for anything, I just want to be happy. Without promises that I never keep, I just want to spread my happiness to her. This ain't a promise because I am never able to keep my promises for her. This is something I wish to achieve. For myelf, for her. And now I look at that little something for her that has been sitting in my room for weeks. Little somethign that took me long to make and even longer for me to send. I guess I broke the surprise here. But who cares.
~Change Mood Change~
We all sat quietly in the lecture room. Pen and paper. OCs map the centre of all our attention. Its the prelude to crunch time: Mission planning. Advance vs Falcon; advance vs Glory, delay. The first one being the one I am most enthusiastic with. For obvious reasons, I will not reveal the plans for the missions here. But all in all, I have never been more excited. On top of that, OC is really quite zai. And I firmly believe that he -like me- is the type who will come up with super unexpected, fuck the doctrine and totally out of the box tactics. COOL. He is really and example to model after. I just can't wait for D-Day. But most importantly, I am having more and more faith in the man already though a recent survey revealed that the man don't really trust our capabilities. Damn. For good reasons. I can really really understand why Ah Goh is so excited. He is the point. Thats where all the action is. And what am I. 32A vc. Reserve platoon reserve section. Aiyo.Must have been stupid of me to have chosen the appointment myself. You know 2A spells much similar to SAIKANG. This reminds me of one of the army advertisment. Ever seen the "leader.soldier.borther." poster? I think they spelt the words wrongly. Its spelt "Slave.Banglah.Enemy" Oh my. But still army is how fun. Oh. I came back yesterday and saw the name "Boon Cheng" in my tagboard. In classic japanese anime, my face would have seen a flash of blue in combination with thunder and lightning. My PC has been reading my blog!!!!But its nice, to know that this will bring us beyong colleagues. HAHA. Imagine him reading me write about him. About how he holland. I would love to see the expression on his face. And so Mr wong said this : "oh fuck" . But its ok, because no matter what I remember the words of 2wo Maran, my sispec PC. I remember him say this in the training shed while saying goodbye to us
"When you go to unit, you will find that your officers might not be as capable as you expect. Some might not even be as capable as you are. Some cannot lead man, some cannot navigate and some don't know how to fight. But remember, they are just like you. They were also once trainees like you. They were also once recruits. Most of them also just commission. The only difference is that they have gone through more and tougher training than you. Who doesn't make mistakes. And when they make mistakes you don't laugh. No you don't laugh and you don't condemn. It doesn't help anyone. You help. Because as specialist you are your officers assistant, it is your job to help them anyway."
Great words I will never forget.
~Change Mood Change~
Went out with memebrs of s26 in an evening of heehee and hahas. Rushed down in cab because I am COS and only get to book out at 730pm. So i managed to sneak into kublai Khan and in theory get to eat for free. ON my way there, I made a mental note not to commit the mistake of always talking about army with the guys. You see, there's nothing wrong with talking about army. Afterall, like wong said, its about sharing your lives with everyone. Just like how the girls will fill you in with the fun of Uni life. The mistake lies in just talking with the guys. But come on, let me diverge from this rather serious tone. It went perfectly well and seeing that Xing Ying and Mel and Ivy are there as well, I took the extra effort to connect with them. Afterall, I was never close with them back in JC and so it was an opportunity for me to forge bonds. The thing is, its amazing. When you look back, you realise that among a class of 20 over people, majority of them only end up as CLASSmates at the end of your JC life. I look at how I became close friends with only a few of them. I missed out on many of them. That I realise on prom night 2003. I remember walking the extra mile to get closer with people like ying hwee yihui mel xingying. Yet its never easy to get involved with each other's lives thats why there are always many levels of friendship. In fact, if anyone notice, the first person I seriously talk to yesterday was? Mel. Towards christmas 2003, I think I talked with her for among one of the first time. What a pity right. And I remember that she was really quite a nice person. The same goes for everyone else. Interesting why I didn't really talk about juan and ween until now? Its kinda simple. Meeting them last them and talking with them wasn't exciting. It was warm. Because I know them well all along. Because we were already kinda close back in JC and the bond carried through all the way till now. To say that they haven't change isn't accurate. I would say that I kept in tune with them, with their changes all the way from the last time I saw them till last night. Talking and giggling at their pace had the feeling of bridging time. As if JC was the day before and time in between has shrunk to a singularity. It was heartwarming to spend time with the two cheeky juan and ween.Heartwarming. Then there is zhicheng and Mok who are really quite similar in the sense that they always sit quiet, listening to our crap. Gotta poke them to really know how they are getting along. And there is weng soon who is the only guy among us who is still a civilian. haha. Really brought us much insight into what university is like for a guy. Never fails to make me excited about University. But haiz. I don't wanna ORD so soon cos I know I will miss all this days. Can I two-time Uni and NS. Haha.
What a long Blog. I am gonna spend the whole saturday at home. Rest for an hour or so. Some time set aside to watch Ghost in the Shell which I just bought. Some time to study for my advance theory:Oh no. And then it seems like good weather to go for some interval training, with cocktails to greet my return. Haha. Life is great.~Miss you gal.
posted by zente @ 9:47 PM
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